TBI and its Emotional Backwash

Perhaps because of changes in the brain from a blow to the head, depression is common among TBI survivors -- even if you weren't already depressed (which I had been treated for). Low self-esteem stemming from feeling like a failure and no longer "smart" also occur.

I also was diagnosed -- and treated -- for ADHD at age 46, and though medicine helps, oy oy oy, one of the therapists' comments was that I was "too impulsive." This is an insult they love to throw at a TBI survivor, and frankly I didn't appreciate it at all.

All that "impulsive" really means is that moving, walking, climbing stairs, have to be thought through ahead of time. For instance, once this year I fell when I flounced out of the kitchen in protest of something my husband had done.

All right then, no more flouncing.

When I had my accident, I also had to turn in my drivers license. That hurt big time because I had just about been ready to renew my license for four years. Now, unlike when I moved here in 1979 (when I took only the written test), I'm going to have to take the road test again!! And I'm told Pa.'s test is quite rigorous (I know this because my son has his drivers permit and his instructor commented to him that one must go exactly the speed limit, come to a full stop, etc. etc., or he would not pass.)

Recently I was evaluated for the possibility of driving again, and was turned down flat. Yowzer. Never mind that I hadn't driven in two years, that I was in a car that was too big (they had to have dual controls) and totally unfamiliar. Prior to my fall, I hadn't had a ticket for a moving violation since 1978! That should count for something but alas, it didn't.

In many ways, I have lost everything that gave my life meaning. I lost the job I loved, one I had done in various places for 35 years! I had to retire prematurely. Working gave me someplace to go and kept my mind sharp. I worked with people whom I had known for 29 years. That's all gone now. I can't say this makes me happy. I have nothing to do and noplace to go.

As I've said often, don't try this at home, kids.